Toasty as Hell
on November 29, 2017
at 12:40 am
My wife likes the cold because she says you can always put on more layers and you can only take off so much when you’re hot. As a kid I delivered newspapers in freezing temperatures and when I was in Boy Scouts I camped in a lean-to in the dead of winter. Being cold sucks.
You’d better hope that you don’t end up in the innermost circle, then. That’s the part that’s the furthest from God’s light, so it’s a frozen wasteland.
Which implies that Heaven would be even hotter than Hell. All that Holy light shining about must produce some heat, right? Although I think there’s a verse that says the heat is never scorching in Heaven.
It has been suggested, via a proof based on Biblical reference, that that Heaven is hotter than that Hell.
https://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp
I’d assume the weather in heaven is always perfect, and in hell is always humid.
Innermost you say? What do I have to do to book a ticket there? Nothing too bad I hope.
Those are the traitors. So just betray someone, and you’re set!*
*Literally, since you can’t move in frozen ice. Hope you don’t mind.
Your wife and I agree on that point, then. I like the middle of winter a lot better than the middle of summer.
I am in complete agreement with your wife. If I had to choose between five seconds on either side of noon in a Canadian summer, and an hour on either side of midnight in the Antarctic, you would find me encased in a block of ice like a cool Neandrethal.
Your wife is right.
There are three tricks to dealing with cold.
A. If you’re cold, put on more clothes. I was also that Boy Scout and our clothing was not sufficient. Good wool for an under-layer, some fluffy middle stuff, and a wind cutting out layer plus Steger mukluks and you’re on your way.
B. If you’re cold, MOVE. Move enough and you’ll be shedding layers.
C. Find something that pulls you outside. Ski, dog sledding, snow machine, snow shoeing…anything. Get out in it and enjoy it. After a while, you’ll grow to appreciate snotsicles!
It helps to live in a place that gets cold and stays cold. Places that cycle between above and below freezing make it hard to get acclimated to a temperature.
Your wife sounds smart. You should listen to her.
I would rather spend a summer day in Miami than a winter day in Miami, much less Michigan…
I’m with you, Adam! I wear three layers of mitts on cold winter days ( fleece inside th insulate inside a wind proof she’ll). I can’t hold anything, I could not physically add more layers, and my hands are still cold from late October through March. Bring on 40 degrees C!!
Hell is worth it for a number of reasons, not the least of which is temperature. But the company is also definitely better.
Also, while it is where oatmeal raisin cookies come from, by logical deduction, it’s not where they go.
Camping in a lean-to in the middle of winter or better yet, a quinzee, was the most fun as a scout if and only if you knew what you were doing.
We only ever brought staves, rope, one tarp and a one shovel and used what was locally available – field grasses, fallen branches, leaves, packed snow.
Insulate, insulate, insulate, wind tight.
Open face to the lee.
Small fire just outside so no CO issues and set up a reflector – windbreak behind it – ice is best.
Take shifts keeping the fire going – you’ll get enough sleep since its dark for 14 hours in January.
Dude, lovin’ the way you draw the skellybugs.
Thanks! I feel like I’m always trying new looks for my skeleton bugs.
People always *say* that, but if it’s cold out, it doesn’t matter how many layers I put on, it’s still cold. I hate it so much. I’ll take 115 (I lived in Phoenix, I know what I’m talking about) over 40 any day.
I grew up in Redding, CA. I know of which you speak, also. Don’t like the cold, don’t like the heat. I like COMPLAINING about both, but I’ll take San Diego’s climate any day! Seriously the best climate in the U.S. ranges about 65° to 85° all year long, if memory serves. We moved away in 1968, so…my memory might be a tad dodgy on this point…
Phil Connors: “When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn’t imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.”
Me: God, I hate winter!
The score is standing at 3 on Adam’s side and 5 with the missus. Take your sides!
4-5! It’s bleedin’ cold and windy and the rain is like a zillion tiny needles. I really want it to be July already. Can’t imagine anyone in this country to think otherwise, so it probably is 17.171.720-5 (population figure correct as of yesterday).
I live in one of the most humid parts of the country, so extreme temperatures are pretty godawful either way, but repulsed as I am by the feeling of a sweaty shirt clinging to my back, I’ll take the cold over the heat. Still, you can be damn sure I’d take the inside of my properly insulated home over either one, given the choice. I think my best friend’s mother summed it up best when recalling how someone told her that they wished they were from here so they could be used to it like we are:
“No, we’re not ‘used’ to it, we go inside and turn on the damn air-conditioning like not-crazy people.”
…I may be paraphrasing.
I’m with your wife here. I’ve been in Florida for the past, what, seven years, and I am extremely tired of there not being any seasons. It gets very boring.
I heard that going too long without seasons may turn you into a zombie?
Final score is 4-6 in the missus’ favour. Sorry, Adam!
4-7 now >:-)
Adam, I love your comics. BUT, based on some of them over time, I’d bet that you have no worries about getting to hell. If I were you, I’d find a subject other than the Almighty to make fun of. Tempt not the Lord thy God. And, don’t try to anger Him either.
Cold all the way. I get heat headaches. For those with chilly hands, there are air-activated thermal packs that are small enough to fit in your gloves. Check out Grabbers or Hot Hands or ThermaCare. There are larger ones available in the pharmacy joint care/pain section that you can use to warm other parts of you too. Just make sure not to get the medicated ones, which are completely different.
By the day of the last comic before Christmas, the score is Adam’s “heat” side with 4 versus 8 on the missus’ “cold” side.