Oh, we just decide like anyone would, through a hand-written exam (penmanship really counts) and a a series of hand-eye coordination tasks meant to weed out the butterfingers. You cannot have a klutz with bad handwriting handcuffed to a briefcase, it would give the rest of us a bad name!
“Free Ice Cream Fridays”?
Psssh! Count me in! As for the whole losing – the – hand bit, that is only if you refuse to give up the briefcase. My loyalty doesn’t include the severing of my limbs, thank you very much!
You know you can buy your own handcuff keys right? They are really cheap over the internet :D. Not that I would know of course… Actually I would like to take the fifth on future questions regarding this.
But even regular steel requires more specialized tools to cut through than regular hands do. According to a certain one-armed mountain climber, all you need is a pocket knife, and those are easier to carry around than a hacksaw.
I hate my job so much right now, I’d risk losing the hand if carrying the briefcase paid halfway decent. (That’s not even a joke.)
Just cuff it to my right hand, cause I jerk off with my left. (That’s the joke.)
Even better if you already have lost a hand/arm and use a prosthetic.
Harder, if not impossible, to cut or easy release if you are not the stabby type.
Oh oh oh.
The autonomous model built to the design of Thing Addams but a drone, though bathroom breaks could be awkward.
You could go for one of those spring loaded extensible designs or the “Big Surprise” model as shown in Total Recall though the “Runaway” model might be bothersome with the cleanup and paperwork afterwards.
Am I the only one who was confused by the lack of hyphens and thought the job in question was being the thing the briefcase guy was handcuffed to? Because I think you might have problems with being an inanimate object, Adam.
It probably was just me. ::Sigh:: You youngsters with your Facebooks and your inadequate hyphenations.
Well the moment I have been dreading has finally come. I have worked my way through nine years of archives and must now wait for my bug fix. I have CIDU to thank for introducing me to this strip. Mr. Huber, I have not laughed this loud or continuously in a long time and rank you up there with the likes of Gary Larson and Bud Grace.
You sir, are a comic genius.
/me remembers being the handcuffed to ‘briefcase’ guy, where briefcase was a cesium clock and battery pack (ok so it was more like suitcase than briefcase), and the handcuffs were there (and lots of paperwork as well) to keep the airline happy (the case had its own seat on the plane).
Stewardess took one look at the rad-haz sticker on the case (yea right it was a hughe hazzard :-p ), then the ‘cuffs and gave me an instant upgrade to 1st class muttering somtyhing about “not frightening the cattle”….
Did you have to deal with the TSA/DEA with them wanting to open and inspect any sealed containers labeled do not open, do not expose to light and welded shut and them seizing it and opening it?
I mention this as why a certain crystalline element used as a very high end sensor is now ground shipped.
Oh, we just decide like anyone would, through a hand-written exam (penmanship really counts) and a a series of hand-eye coordination tasks meant to weed out the butterfingers. You cannot have a klutz with bad handwriting handcuffed to a briefcase, it would give the rest of us a bad name!
Nah, no raffle. Preference is given to those who show up to the interview with their own cuffs. … and the ability to tie their own shoes one-handed.
No, much more seriously… raffle AND a lottery. It ain’t easy becoming the handcuff guy. But you do get sprinkles on that ice cream cone.
“Free Ice Cream Fridays”?
Psssh! Count me in! As for the whole losing – the – hand bit, that is only if you refuse to give up the briefcase. My loyalty doesn’t include the severing of my limbs, thank you very much!
They won’t give you a key so you might not have a choice!
You know you can buy your own handcuff keys right? They are really cheap over the internet :D. Not that I would know of course… Actually I would like to take the fifth on future questions regarding this.
You’d need to have chosen an extremely hard metal for your handcuffs for them to even think of sawing your hand instead.
But even regular steel requires more specialized tools to cut through than regular hands do. According to a certain one-armed mountain climber, all you need is a pocket knife, and those are easier to carry around than a hacksaw.
I hate my job so much right now, I’d risk losing the hand if carrying the briefcase paid halfway decent. (That’s not even a joke.)
Just cuff it to my right hand, cause I jerk off with my left. (That’s the joke.)
just wear one of those bulletproof bracelets, like what wonder woman has
“Whoa! High security briefcase! What do you do for a living?”
“I sell high security briefcases.” *pat-pat* “This is empty…”
Even better if you already have lost a hand/arm and use a prosthetic.
Harder, if not impossible, to cut or easy release if you are not the stabby type.
Oh oh oh.
The autonomous model built to the design of Thing Addams but a drone, though bathroom breaks could be awkward.
You could go for one of those spring loaded extensible designs or the “Big Surprise” model as shown in Total Recall though the “Runaway” model might be bothersome with the cleanup and paperwork afterwards.
I think you need much higher security clearance than guy who draws webcomics.
Am I the only one who was confused by the lack of hyphens and thought the job in question was being the thing the briefcase guy was handcuffed to? Because I think you might have problems with being an inanimate object, Adam.
It probably was just me. ::Sigh:: You youngsters with your Facebooks and your inadequate hyphenations.
Well the moment I have been dreading has finally come. I have worked my way through nine years of archives and must now wait for my bug fix. I have CIDU to thank for introducing me to this strip. Mr. Huber, I have not laughed this loud or continuously in a long time and rank you up there with the likes of Gary Larson and Bud Grace.
You sir, are a comic genius.
/me remembers being the handcuffed to ‘briefcase’ guy, where briefcase was a cesium clock and battery pack (ok so it was more like suitcase than briefcase), and the handcuffs were there (and lots of paperwork as well) to keep the airline happy (the case had its own seat on the plane).
Stewardess took one look at the rad-haz sticker on the case (yea right it was a hughe hazzard :-p ), then the ‘cuffs and gave me an instant upgrade to 1st class muttering somtyhing about “not frightening the cattle”….
Did you have to deal with the TSA/DEA with them wanting to open and inspect any sealed containers labeled do not open, do not expose to light and welded shut and them seizing it and opening it?
I mention this as why a certain crystalline element used as a very high end sensor is now ground shipped.