Star Trek Poo the Crap of Khan
on September 14, 2016
at 1:09 am
Trying to think of articles in “Vulcan Weekly.”
- Top 10 neck pinching mistakes
- Logic – is it logical enough?
- Is your lover faking their mind meld?
- How to throw a swinging pon farr party
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6V5er5xQnjQ
I like how, when he says “Do these people not poop?” someone in the audience can be faintly heard yelling back “They don’t!”
You know why they don’t poop.
They have transporters and they have replicators.
Recycling, ala Poop d’loop.
/Not sorry
They all get fitted with a special suppository device that beams waste into space.
Kirk did, he was obsessed with it! Every episode he would drone on and on about “the Captain’s log”.
I’m going to sound like such a nerd here, but the schematics of the Enterprise shows where the toilets are. You know where the turbolift is on the bridge? On the other side of the bridge is the toilet.
“Five Long And Prosperous Finger Stretching Techniques.”
Vulcan Quarterly:
Latest Robes – 50 shades of gray.
How steady is Vulcan?
Time Riffs in the Continuum
Too Many Spocks?
This comic has so much win, I don’t even know where to begin!
Every panel funnier than the previous one. Captain Janeway “Dropping Dilithium Crystals off at the Warp Core” is pure genius!
Dude…you’re just too much! Even the title is aweome! I’m gonna be thinking of possible articles for Vulcan Weekly all day now.
“Mastering the art of the Death Grip while battling arthritis”
“Arching one eyebrow…practice makes perfect”
“Fascinating studies of Pon Farr addiction”
Captain Janeway “Dropping Dilithium Crystals off at the Warp Core”
scotty (i know) “Captain, she canna take no more”
If she pushes any harder, the whole thing’ll blow!
“The ill logic of mixed marriage”?
“Guidelines to abandon your feelings once and for all”?
And for entertainment obviously they can’t put any logic puzzles – so how about an illogical puzzle? If someone is able to solve it, they will surely win the biggest prize ever.
Imagine the other crew calling out from the space throne:
Spock: “Fascinating – the tri-corder readings are off the charts in here.”
Bones: “Hold your horses, I’m a doctor not a brick layer.”
Checkov: {practicing}”The Wulcan wiciously wiolated the Wikings Wectum.”
Scotty: “I’m giving it {grunts} all I’ve got!”
Sulu: “Hold on, I’m making the jump to warp!”
Uhura: “Sorry, all lines are busy!”
Kirk: “Most legends have their basis in fact… and what I’m doing now will. be. legendary!”
If I recall correctly, the fact that their toilets recycle biological matter for use in the replicators was a throwaway gag once or twice.
Adam, your toilets still look like disgruntled ducks.
With every reason to be disgruntled, I should think.
Borg Bug. There’s a Borg Bug. That’s gonna do it for me today.
The only time I remember there being any mention of elimination on any Star Trek series was in Deep Space Nine, where Quark is talking to Worf about Grilka, and he’s trying to get out of his marriage, and says to Worf, “You people have rituals for everything except waste extraction.”
Since the uniforms on TNG zipped in the back, you should have seen Number One come out of the stall and say, “Captain, would you zip me up?”.
I can’t believe you couldn’t fit a “boldly go” joke in there.
The Babylon 5 episode ‘Signs and Portents’ has a scene with the Captain and Garibaldi talking at urinals.
Funny how saying “not to sound crass” doesn’t actually stop you sounding crass.
Great comic, though!
Worf and Geordie bugs are just awesome. Also the Borg bug, with his one “Borgified” antenna is just… stellar! 🙂
It’s the future! They probably just teleport it right out of the colon. “Number 2 to beam up, Scotty.”
There was that Voyager episode where they teleported the baby out of the mother’s womb… after she’d been in labor forever. I’d have choked the holo-doc afterwards for not doing it straightaway.
*Kirk walks into Restroom, two second pause*
“KHAAAAAAAAN!”
Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra
or in this case
Nero and Narada at Vulcan
“Kirk – his sphincter, empty!”
Shakaa, when the walls fell.
Just this afternoon I watched an episode of Voyager where Neelix mentioned having to form lines for the lavatories, and whispered something about the Bolians especially being a problem. Worse than Klingons?
Bolian biochemistry is… unique. According to most sources, they’re really well adapted to some extremely noxious stuff. Like, “could drink a battery-acid smoothie without batting an eyelash” noxious. I would imagine output is at least as heinous as input.
And, no, I’m not making this up.
“Cap’n, we’re losing anal matter containment!”
One of the things that made Babylon 5 so much better than other tv scifi is that they had that extra bit of realism. Not just full 3 dimensional space combat, but they put the actors right there at the urinals.