I love Zelazny’s Agnostics Prayer from ‘Creatures of Light and Darkness’
Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen
….let him ask in trust, doubting nothing, for the doubter is like a wave in the sea being tossed and driven by the wind. Indeed that person should not think that he will receive anything from the Lord, because he is double-minded, unstable in all his ways.
That weasel worded prayer must have been brewed up by someone who would be a good candidate for Politics. Wasn’t there a science fiction story were the people spoke double-speak and said nothing? 1984 or Brave New World?
As an Agnostic and fan of obfuscating verbosity, I thoroughly enjoy this prayer, and will check out the book it came from when the chance arises. Thanks for the lead!
I don’t get it. I thought it might be an accusation of theomasturbation and my sister thought it might be the bullies trying to ward off smiting, but I don’t love either answer.
Next you can ask God if he has Prince Albert in a can.
I’m reminded of an atheist character in one of Terry Pratchett’s books whose nickname is “Charcoal” or something similar– “They needn’t think they’ll get me to believe in them by smiting me all the time!”
Howard Stern would catch a lot of flak when he fervently mock-prayed for one of his enemies to get cancer. I laughed at the ridiculousness of it picturing God as some overworked bureaucrat mistakenly stamping ‘APPROVED’ on the prayer petition.
One comic was asked how he would feel if he wished somebody would die a horrible death and they did. Wouldn’t he feel bad then? He said, “Are you kidding? I’d feel great knowing I could direct this ultimate power to do my bidding.”
Now, I’m not one for blasphemy, but that last panel had me in stitches
Thank you, Morgan Freeman.
Prank prayers, that’s one of the funniest ideas I’ve heard in ages.
you get the answer: “no, don’t need a fridge, things are pretty cool up here.”
“Unlike where I suspect you’ll be.”
That is certainly a nice way of phrasing the answer. Messing with the G-d of the Old Testement is never a good idea. How many Amelekites do you know?
How many Gods have you met?
Just the One.
“Are you a God?”
“No.”
“Then,,,, DIIEEE!!!”
Well, those guys have certainly damned themselves…
I love Zelazny’s Agnostics Prayer from ‘Creatures of Light and Darkness’
Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as it is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen
….let him ask in trust, doubting nothing, for the doubter is like a wave in the sea being tossed and driven by the wind. Indeed that person should not think that he will receive anything from the Lord, because he is double-minded, unstable in all his ways.
That weasel worded prayer must have been brewed up by someone who would be a good candidate for Politics. Wasn’t there a science fiction story were the people spoke double-speak and said nothing? 1984 or Brave New World?
I’d recommend you read the book for context.
My point was – a lot of blah blah and nothing is said, just weasel words.
But books that can’t keep their story straight chapter-to-chapter and book-to-book are authoritative…
His point was – you need context to get it.
Congratulations, you ducked under the joke!
As an Agnostic and fan of obfuscating verbosity, I thoroughly enjoy this prayer, and will check out the book it came from when the chance arises. Thanks for the lead!
Could this be in any way part of a theme week (or a shortened one)
Each strip could start with “How to ______ God”
It’s all fun and games until somebody gets “SMITED” …smote …smitten. Geez, I hate it when grammar ruins the pun.
Love that title.
Cool! I was worried that folks wouldn’t get the joke.
I don’t get it. I thought it might be an accusation of theomasturbation and my sister thought it might be the bullies trying to ward off smiting, but I don’t love either answer.
It’s like saying “why you hittin’ yourself?” when you’re slapping someone with their own hand.
The last panel made me take a ride in a Roflcopter.
Prank prayers seem pretty funny. Keep this hilariousness coming, this is my new best way of entertainment.
Next you can ask God if he has Prince Albert in a can.
I’m reminded of an atheist character in one of Terry Pratchett’s books whose nickname is “Charcoal” or something similar– “They needn’t think they’ll get me to believe in them by smiting me all the time!”
Howard Stern would catch a lot of flak when he fervently mock-prayed for one of his enemies to get cancer. I laughed at the ridiculousness of it picturing God as some overworked bureaucrat mistakenly stamping ‘APPROVED’ on the prayer petition.
One comic was asked how he would feel if he wished somebody would die a horrible death and they did. Wouldn’t he feel bad then? He said, “Are you kidding? I’d feel great knowing I could direct this ultimate power to do my bidding.”
It’s been so long since I check out your comic page. You have a great sense of humor! Keep up the good work.